Brown-Eyed Girl Meets Green-Eyed Monster

"Just hold on loosely but don't let go/ If you cling too tightly/ You're gonna lose control/ Your baby needs someone to believe in/ And a whole lot of space to breathe in..." ~ 38 Special, "Hold On Loosely" 

Unfortunately, I didn't take these song lyrics to heart in enough of time to prevent the green-eyed monster from rearing its ugly head in my relationship and, yes, I lost control. 

I have been in a long-distance relationship for the past eight years. We met while I was in Italy studying and just hit it off perfectly. The problem is... Italy is a long, long way from Scranton. 

To make a long story short, my third trip over for a visit was the worst. By this point, we were officially a couple and, like any true-blooded American girl, I didn't take too kindly to, ahem, forward women. There was a girl over there who did everything she could to make me think they were together and my jealousometer went through the roof. He denied it and mutual friends in town swore it wasn't true but, because of this girl's actions, I was seeing red, through very green eyes.

At one point, we split up because the distance was so difficult but, two years later, he found me online and we got back together. Now the plan is for him to come to Scranton soon but... we're still long distance and I still hate it. 

During the two-year split, the causaguai (Italian for "troublemaker") reared her head on good old Facebook. She added me, we talked, we buried the hatchet-- she told me that she was trying to make me think they were together just for the fun of it-- and then, after I forgave her... it started up again. Comments from "the two of us" on Facebook, ambiguous relationship status... you name it. Then, a friend of mine in Italy called her on the nonsense and we both were promptly blocked from her Facebook, after she launched into a tirade about an American girl trying to steal her man. It was awful... and he didn't have Facebook at this point.

Unfortunately, this girl's ghost lingers in our relationship and I don't know how to exorcise her. My trust level is already a bit shaky because of the distance, so I am naturally a bit more clingy than I would like to be. Unfortunately, the longer we're long distance... the worse my clinginess and jealousy. I am to the point where I had to hide him from my Facebook feed so I don't see things. (And the causaguai is now a friend of his on there and she's back to her old tricks!)

I am not a relationship expert, nor do I pretend to be. But I do love this man with all of my heart and have stayed faithful for the past eight years and intend to remain faithful until he gets here. I don't want to know-- and don't really need to know-- what is going on in Italy. He said he is faithful and I try to believe him. Friends and family in the same town also say it is me that he loves and that they never see him with anyone else, so I believe him... and having that confirmation does help.

Ninety-nine percent of our fights have been because of my jealousy: I can't even handle seeing a picture of him with a female friend at this point. I miss him that much... and, yes, long distance sucks. Plain and simple... it sucks. You are talking to a computer screen... you aren't being kissed, you aren't being caressed, your hand is not being held, and when the Skype window disappears, so does he. You're back to your lives in your respective countries and that's that.

I can't really give advice for dealing with jealousy because I struggle so much with it. What I can say, however, is that I have been trying to find more constructive ways to occupy my mind and it helps. I started this blog. I rediscovered my love for photography and am starting to sell my prints on Etsy. I am becoming more active in various organizations that I believe in. I am taking care of myself and loving myself more so that this insecurity within disappears once and for all. 

I want our reunion to be happier than anything else either one of us have experienced in life. I don't want this negativity because of my jealousy surrounding it. Yes, jealousy in a long distance relationship is completely natural, but it can also kill. Who wants to hear a barrage of questions constantly during your all-too-rare chats? No one! I am determined to make this work and I know he is, too. He never once said, "Work on your jealousy" to me but I realize now, upon reflection, just how much it affects every aspect of our relationship.

So now, in the name of love, it is time to act. Distance means nothing when you truly love someone... and that's the only certainty I have. Now is the time to slay the green-eyed monster and let the adorable brown-eyed girl come out of hiding! 

Just Be Nice!

"What the world needs now/ Is love, sweet love/ It's the only thing that there's just too little of/ What the world needs now/ Is love, sweet love/ No, not just for some but for everyone." ~ Jackie DeShannon, "What the World Needs Now"

I walk through the Mall at Steamtown at least several times a day because of my job duties and the fact that it is the best bargain for parking in downtown Scranton. I enjoy breezing through the doors that lead out to the intersection of Lackawanna and Penn avenues and, oftentimes, stop for a coffee before I walk to my office.

The other day, I was walking from my office to my car on my way home for lunch. There was a little girl-- she couldn't have been more than five years old-- standing outside of the hair salon saying "hello" to passersby. No one was replying to her.

When I got up to her, I said "Well hello, sweetie! Aren't you looking beautiful today!" and gave her a megawatt smile. Her eyes lit up and she screamed for her grandmother.

What happened next still brightens my day...

"Grandma! Grandma! That nice lady told me I was booti-ful! Grandma! She's nice!"

I smiled back and said, "Oh honey, YOU'RE nice! You have a wonderful day!!"

She looked at me as I walked away, smiling and waving. I felt like I made her day and I know she made mine.

It is a sad commentary on our society when we can't even stop and say hello to an innocent little girl. It just took two seconds for that simple hello to make her feel like somebody. I wanted to give her a hug but wasn't sure of how her grandmother would react... she didn't speak to either one of us during the exchange.

A simple "hello" or a compliment can make someone's day. It doesn't cost anything but the rewards are amazing. Think about it-- you're nice to someone, so that inspires them to be nice to someone else, then that person is nice to another person and, all of a sudden, you have created a chain reaction of niceness.

Not bad for an action that takes seconds, right?

My challenge for everyone is to do something nice for a stranger. Smile at them. Look them in the eye when you do it. Say "hello". Pay them a compliment. Just be nice. Be friendly. Be loving.

Be the change you wish to see in the world... and start today by just being... nice. 

That Yellow Stuff Really Works

Ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere... I present to you... 

the drink that helped kick my Starbucks addiction! 

What you see pictured above is a magic potion. Now,  before anyone sends me a comment saying that magic doesn't exist or that a little drink can't accomplish miracles (especially if it is non-alcoholic), I can tell you from my first-hand experience during my health recovery that this seemingly bizarre drink packs quite the powerful punch.

The drink is what I call turmeric tea. Other people may call it other things but I happen to like the alliteration and, let's face it, while I was not feeling 100%, my creative naming powers were pretty much spent after working all day.

I was told about this drink by the woman who taught me the Creighton Model of Fertility as a part of my NaPro charting. Although I am not currently seeking to conceive, Creighton charting helps NaPro Technology doctors figure out a woman's cycle and can help lead to clues, such as endometriosis, adenomyosis and pelvic issues. I see Mary Ann Morales in Easton, Pa. for my Creighton charting and she is actually the closest practitioner to Scranton. 

Mary Ann explained to me that turmeric is not just a spice, it is a super spice. Think of it as the Superman of the spice world-- it can do many, many things but-- key to my situation-- it helps with pain and inflammation. It is used a lot in Indian dishes and in Eastern cultures and has a bit of a peppery taste. It is known for its distinct bright yellow coloring.

The recipe I was given was to add turmeric to milk and honey but I make my tea a bit differently. First of all, I try to avoid cow's milk-- I tend to prefer nut-based milks and, for the purposes of this drink, almond milk is what really makes it delicious for me. I like vanilla-flavored almond milk, but even plain is fine. I usually fill up a coffee mug with it and heat it up in the microwave for two minutes. I then take natural honey from Brace's Orchard in Dallas, Pa. and use that. I was told that the honey you purchase in a grocery store lacks the nutrients and the anti-inflammatory properties that farm honey has, plus I prefer to buy whatever I could locally because I know where it comes from. I sweeten to taste-- for me, a teaspoon works perfectly. When adding the turmeric, a lot of people start with a teaspoon but, depending on where you buy your turmeric from, that teaspoon can be WAY too spicy. I suggest starting small and adding until you know what you like. No matter what, you're still getting a benefit and a drink like this should be a relaxing pleasure-- not something that makes you want to gag! I tend to prefer 1/2 teaspoon and find that the extra honey balances out the bitterness from the turmeric. I also don't get a lot of settled turmeric at the bottom of my mug when I am done. Some people like to use a cheesecloth to get rid of the grains but I don't-- I'd rather make my drink and relax. 

I do use a milk frother to finish up my drink-- I think it adds a café-like quality to it and it helps mix everything together nicely. I drink mine nightly, about an hour before bed. It relaxes me and helps reduce pain.

Let me know in the comments if you've heard of it... tried it... or will try it thanks to reading it here! 

This Is Life in Its Glory

"Every day when I look in the mirror/ I try to see where my soul's at now/ Happy day, is it farther or nearer?/ On the way, will I find it somehow?" ~ Dusty Springfield, "Roll Away"

A few months ago, I hit rock bottom. Hard.

 I have a health condition called pelvic floor myalgia. Basically, my pelvic floor is shot and, worse, being a woman completely exacerbated the condition. At least once a month, I'd lay in bed in total agony for about a week during my menstrual cycle. I was crabby, miserable, pessimistic... all sorts of negative thoughts and behaviors clouded my life.

It took a good five years to get diagnosed with pelvic floor myalgia. In good cases, the person just needs a bit of pelvic floor physical therapy but, in my case, I was in too much pain to even attempt that. I had doctors suggest hysterectomies, which I refused. When I refused that, they suggested Lupron... which scared the living daylights out of me after I did research online.

I had other doctors suggest I just relax but, as a newspaper editor, that's not exactly the easiest thing to do.I wasn't diagnosed until I switched OB/GYN doctors to one near Allentown, Pa. who focuses on NaPro Technology. Dr. MaryAnne Freeman-Brndjar was the closest doctor to my home in Scranton, Pa. who practiced NaPro and, at the urging of a magazine editor I freelance for every so often, I made an appointment. 

Dr. MaryAnne then suggested I visit Dr. Kyle Beiter of the Gianna Center in New Brunswick, N.J. and that's who gave me diagnosis. Dr. Beiter was doctor #50 on my list of doctors that I visited.The thing about NaPro doctors is that everything is natural (hence the name NaPro). All I had to do was keep charting my cycles and keep moving forward. 

The problem was, I was doing everything I was told and nothing was improving. Some days, I just wanted to die... the pain was that horrible.

I have been seeing Dr. Joe McAulliffe of ProActive Family Chiropractic in Clarks Summit, Pa. for the past year. He has helped my back issues and migraines and, when I mentioned all of the pelvic issues, he started to do what I call the "miracle' adjustment... it is more for pregnant women but it was the only thing giving me some relief "down there". 

In September of this year, the pain was so strong that I couldn't take anymore. I was depressed. My relationships were suffering. I was able to go to work and do my thing but, at night, I'd come home and crash and struggle through to the next day. I was existing and not living. I became prone to crying jags and comfort eating.

Dr. Joe has a program called "BrainFit" that he has used to very successful results in his patients and he suggested I give it a try. He felt that my body was inflammed and that, if the inflammation could be reduced, I would naturally feel better. 

He touts the program as a weight loss support method but it is more than that... for me it has become a "life support method."I started BrainFit at the end of September and feel like I have my life back already. The pains are gone and my mental outlook has improved immensely. There aren't enough ways for me to say "thank you' to Dr. Joe because I was, literally, at the end of my rope.

I decided to start this blog to help others by sharing some of what I've learned. Also, since writing is my lifeblood, I felt it would be good for me to write my way through this journey. I am trying to live a more positive, happy life and am hoping that these experiences that I will share will inspire others.

I believe we are all put on this planet to shine. I believe that sometimes, though, our shine can be dulled without realizing it... so sometimes we just need to be polished up a bit so we can truly sparkle. That's my hope for everyone that passes by this blog... that we all sparkle and shine.